Life can be (a) dream

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September 1, 2026 - NEET life is coming to a close

Hello, my old friends. I don't usually like including disclaimers in my writing because it immediately diminishes what I have to say before the reader has the chance to judge it for themselves, but I will make an exception this one time to say this: This writing is bad. I have not written well in a long while. Because this is directly related to the content of the article, I believe it is fair game for me to make this disclaimer.

Why have I not been able to write well? It turns out that the number one issue with unemployment and a limited social circle is very simple: your sources of quality input are immediately cut down sharply. Your main quality inputs are ripped from fantasy. And yes, of course, books are always quality input! I will never deny this. But the input of reality should weigh heavier than fantasy. This is a bold claim, and I cannot easily back it up. What I will say is that reality can slap you with situations that you would never care to read about, and reality cannot be closed the way a book can be. My best creative input has always been from watching disastrous or hopeful situations (or simply being unjustifiably influenced by a minor event by being in a reactive state).

Well. I need more quality input. That's very simple - just go outside, preferably via a new job! But, allow me to introduce you to my newest blessing, which is just as equally my newest curse: I have gotten a new job, which is fully remote. I thought this would be great until I saw my friend last weekend, who is in the most depressed state they have ever been in partially because of remote work. And, worse, we react extremely similarly to several things. I don't want this to set the expectation that my depressed state will get even worse, but I see that I already am the most depressed I have been in several years. It's a bit strange to me to be depressed again, I must admit. I got very used to swapping between low and high energy states, and relied on making up the difference in a hyper state. The hyper state has not come. I sure wish it has. Getting myself to do anything is like dragging myself through glass, except every day I end up at the beginning of the glass tunnel, and have to redo it all over again. And my task list keeps growing! I have emails to reply to (dear Hesse recommender: please know I have not forgotten you, and still have every intent to reply to you), resumes to fix from people trying to escape my old job, actual paid work I've promised to do, and clothes I've been meaning to donate for months.

I want to be very clear that I still do not regret leaving my job. It was the best decision that I have ever made, which is surprising given its rashness. Every single one of my old coworkers have reached out to me since leaving, and multiple have said that the environment has somehow gotten worse since I left. And, as bad as I feel, I've still managed to do a little bit with this time. I set a rule mandating that I go outside every day no matter what, which has led to lots of rollerblading even on days where I lay in bed till almost noon. Even today, I got myself outside on a blazing hot day and went backwards in laps around the skate park. I've managed to read a lot, I've finally gotten my self confidence to where I stop doubting myself constantly, I've learned when to let troubles be and shut my mouth while I back away, and I've started to understand the absolute most basic idea of what is important to me. And I guess I put up a new site and learned how to write more technical articles, but I don't feel as passionate about it lately.

I don't know what to take away from this all, but I will say this: if you are recently unemployed and have even a hint of depression in your blood, go outside at all costs or you will want to smash your head into the mirror every morning from how unrespectable and useless you feel. It doesn't matter if you can grill pancakes on the sidewalk, it doesn't matter if God himself has decided to drown your town, it doesn't matter if you are deathly ill. Do not make exceptions. Try to see your friends, even if you have to drive too much or harass them more than your insecurities typically allow. I'm not in a good position to give advice, but I see that I'm severely undersocialized and getting more and more used to it by the day.

(Also, I am happy to announce that I didn't even have to pull from my savings at all during these months. Financial security and reducing nonsense spending gives you freedom. Had I not saved as aggressively as I had in college, I would have never been able to do this.)