Life can be (a) dream

[Index - Posts - Art museum - Other cool things - Changelog]

April 21, 2026 - Report of being a working adult (it's really bad)

What do you think of work? How strong is your hatred of it? Does work make you want to crawl into a little ball and hide under a desk, or does it just make you a little annoyed in the morning? I am worried that for most people, it gives them the "crawl into a ball" reaction. I personally have that reaction! Or a reaction filled with screaming!

I think I may have started working too soon after college. I had a cozy student job that spoiled me and gave me complete agency, and I tricked myself into believing that it was normal. I would hear other people's job experiences, and wonder why they didn't simply switch away. I now realize I was stupid, and that my student job was the exception. I graduated early and worked all through college just to work even more. Why? Why did I rush this so much?

And so, I have become extremely worried for myself and for 90% of the working population. I see this sense of misery around almost every working adult that I know. "This is my life, and there is nothing I can do about it!" They don't do anything when they get home, and they don't do anything on the weekend either. Really, most of their time outside of work is spent simply trying to forget that work exists by numbing themselves. I am terrified of becoming this. I am terrified of becoming a parent that doesn't have the energy to take their kids outside, or being the partner that doesn't want to do anything but lay in bed, or being the person that can only list hobbies that they did five years ago.

It should not be a surprise that I have as many issues as I do with work because of how much time it eats. The 40 hour work week (at a minimum, of course, ignoring commute!) zaps enough energy that the only way for most to stay happy after work is to rely on stupid purchases. I used to think that someone who caved into this was weak-willed. I don't believe this anymore, because I see that almost all willpower is taken at work. I still think that we should try to avoid this as much as possible, but the fault is not on the individual. Perhaps this is why hedonism has been able to grip us as strongly as it has! Willpower is a limited resource that is difficult to train. When there is no willpower left for meaningful work at home, only hedonism can boost us!

I want to have kids. Am I meant to force seeing them into little windows after work? I want to finish my damn story. Am I meant to squeeze productiveness out of myself for my projects far after my typical productive morning hours? And, when I'm sick, or my boyfriend is sick, or when my parents inevitably get older and weaker, how am I supposed to find enough time? I have made peace with the fact that I will never have enough time to do everything I want to do, but I cannot make peace with the fact that I might do this little of it.

I don't think that doomerism about how painful it is to have a typical office job is useful. I have considered swapping jobs, but I have a feeling that my reaction would be much of the same after I realize that I still have at least 40 hours taken from me a week. I have considered going back to college, but I think that this is putting off the inevitable. And so I have considered the below instead:

I am a little insane. This insanity is both good and bad. It is good in that I have a constant directive to improve and better myself. It is bad in how much it affects my ability to tolerate work that other people seem to be able to tolerate, and in how low it has made my stress tolerance. On top of this, I am genetically prone to a range of nasty stress-induced chronic pain issues that I would like to avoid. It is very convenient that I can live very frugally and simply. My only real requirements to be happy are enough food, a comfortable place to sleep, and enough time with the people I love. My work ethic is the strongest that it has ever been, and I have been able to ignore my insecure side much more easily than in the past. If this is all I need, can I simply do something that I like?

...I think I can! And, I think that I have enough energy to set it up during the next two months even while working, and while still seeing friends, and that the only real sacrifice will be a bit more of my precious time! Life can be a dream, but only if I make it so!